Army Captain Sues Government

Jay Ferriola, a captain in the U.S. Army, is suing the government because he was assigned to a "dangerous mission in Iraq." He says this isn't fair, as he had already quit; his resignation had merely not yet been formally accepted.

Like everything else these days, it seems, this brings to mind a sketch from the old Monty Python's Flying Circus britcom:

Superimposed Caption on Screen : 'AND NOW . . . UNOCCUPIED BRITAIN 1970'
Cut to colonel's office. Colonel is seated at desk.)

Colonel (Graham Chapman}: Come in, what do you want?

[Private Watkins (Eric Idle) enters and salutes.]

Watkins: I'd like to leave the army please, sir.

Colonel: Good heavens man, why?

Watkins: It's dangerous.

Colonel: What?

Watkins: There are people with guns out there, sir.

Colonel: What?

Watkins: Real guns, sir. Not toy ones, sir. Proper ones, sir. They've all got 'em. All of 'em, sir. And some of 'em have got tanks.

Colonel: Watkins, they are on our side.

Watkins: And grenades, sir. And machine guns, sir. So I'd like to leave, sir, before I get killed, please.

Colonel: Watkins, you've only been in the army a day.

Watkins: I know sir but people get killed, properly dead, sir, no barley cross fingers, sir. A bloke was telling me, if you're in the army and there's a war you have to go and fight.

Colonel: That's true.

Watkins: Well I mean, blimey, I mean if it was a big war somebody could be hurt.

Colonel: Watkins why did you join the army?

Watkins: For the water-skiing and for the travel, sir. And not for the killing, sir. I asked them to put it on my form, sir - no killing.

Colonel: Watkins are you a pacifist?

Watkins: No sir, l'm not a pacifist, sir. I'm a coward.

Colonel: That's a very silly line. Sit down.

Watkins: Yes sir. Silly, sir. (sits in corner)

Colonel: Awfully bad.

In fairness, Captain Ferriola says that he's been in the army for eight years and just wants to get on with his life.



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