Army Captain Sues Government
Jay Ferriola, a captain in the U.S. Army, is suing the government because he was assigned to a "dangerous mission in Iraq." He says this isn't fair, as he had already quit; his resignation had merely not yet been formally accepted.
Like everything else these days, it seems, this brings to mind a sketch from the old Monty Python's Flying Circus britcom:
Superimposed Caption on Screen : 'AND NOW . . . UNOCCUPIED BRITAIN 1970'
Cut to colonel's office. Colonel is seated at desk.)
Colonel (Graham Chapman}: Come in, what do you want?
[Private Watkins (Eric Idle) enters and salutes.]
Watkins: I'd like to leave the army please, sir.
Colonel: Good heavens man, why?
Watkins: It's dangerous.
Watkins: There are people with guns out there, sir.
Watkins: Real guns, sir. Not toy ones, sir. Proper ones, sir. They've all got 'em. All of 'em, sir. And some of 'em have got tanks.
Colonel: Watkins, they are on our side.
Watkins: And grenades, sir. And machine guns, sir. So I'd like to leave, sir, before I get killed, please.
Colonel: Watkins, you've only been in the army a day.
Watkins: I know sir but people get killed, properly dead, sir, no barley cross fingers, sir. A bloke was telling me, if you're in the army and there's a war you have to go and fight.
Colonel: That's true.
Watkins: Well I mean, blimey, I mean if it was a big war somebody could be hurt.
Colonel: Watkins why did you join the army?
Watkins: For the water-skiing and for the travel, sir. And not for the killing, sir. I asked them to put it on my form, sir - no killing.
Colonel: Watkins are you a pacifist?
Watkins: No sir, l'm not a pacifist, sir. I'm a coward.
Colonel: That's a very silly line. Sit down.
Watkins: Yes sir. Silly, sir. (sits in corner)
Colonel: Awfully bad.
In fairness, Captain Ferriola says that he's been in the army for eight years and just wants to get on with his life.